What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
