Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
