Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
