she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think my moral compass just broke
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
