I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
