He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
