no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
