just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
