Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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