do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
