Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
