Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize