My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
