Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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