DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
