Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
