I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
