I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
