The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This couple is walking their pig around campus
as a side note pls kill me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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