How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
