so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
