I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
my liver is dry heaving
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
