Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
