I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
