3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
