my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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