Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
