I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Randomize