my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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