we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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