So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
