I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
