Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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