I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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