THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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