I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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