I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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