Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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