nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
