he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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