Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
