I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
