I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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