I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
