Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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