I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
