This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
