Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
