Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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