Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
