i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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