Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
