We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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