First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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