so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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