idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
