One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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