I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
