dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
