How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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