Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
