I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Porn is love you can see.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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