Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
